Category Archives: opinion

End of another day…

Posted in abyss, ahh, alone, always here, always hope, always light, Anna, anorexia, battles, be proud, Bio parents, blackness, borederline personality disorder, bpd, bulimia, challenges, child, clutches, clutches of darkness, confusion, cut deep, dark abyss, dark world, darkness, daughter, daughters, death, death failure, deep scars, Detachment, Diagnosis, dont have to be skinny to be anorexia, drained, dying, eating disorder, eating disorders, ednos, Emotions, exhaustion, feelings, fighting, focus on yourself, for you, fortijuice, fortisips, Hate myself, hating, hell, help, help is there, help me, honesty, ideas, insanity, inside of me, inspiration, internal fight, let down, light at end of tunnel, loved ones, making time, mental health, mental scars, mind f****d, needing help, night, nightmares, no energy, not alone, operations, opinion, people, physc unit., physciatric unit, physcological mayhem, Physically tired, pondering, protein drinks, punishing yourself, punishment, rise above, sadness, screaming, seeing people, self loathing, shameful, stigma, story, stress, stressful day, stuck, stuck within me, suicidal, suicide, take me, talk to, tired, to be contd., Uncategorized, Valleys of darkness, voices, why, wonder by

As the end of another days draws to an end I’m here again sat pondering and wondering what lies ahead for me. my future might be uncertain right now but I still have the inklings of hope that I can get better. NO not can get better BUT will get better…

I no for a fact that the roads ahead are lined with pits and dips but also are filled with happiness and hope and light. This path that I am starting on soon (I hope anyways) is going to be tough and lots of hard work but I cannot stay in this vicious continuous cycle or treadmill of being ok and then trying to commit suicide. It is not fair to only myself but to my family and friends and this last attempt has given me the kick up the arse to actually do something about it. To do something to break the cycle of break downs.

The amount of damage I have done internally to my body (mainly my oesophagus) is terrible. I have the scars on hips and wrists and stomach, I have had to go for monthly oesophagus dilation operations to stretch my throat so I can actually maybe one day eat solid food. Since April 10th 2017 I haven’t been able to eat a single solid piece of food due to yet another attempt at taking my life. and since then I have survived on fortisips (protein drinks) to give me all my calories and keep me going. luckily now I can actually swallow smooth soup and custard, I can’t swallow anything with bits in it or eat biscuits. But maybe one day I hopefully will be able to dunk that ginger biscuit in a cup of coffee.

Here’s to wondering and pondering the next and very near (hopefully) future…

To be cont.d…

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Is there a difference….

Posted in mental health, opinion, photographer, photography, Question by

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Does anyone think that there is a difference in the way that a mentally ill photographer and a “normal” photographer takes a photo?

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Is there a difference in the quality of either photographer ceptures a photo?

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I personally like to take a photograph and then edit it into different phases and warmth. I took the above photo on Christmas 2014. And keep trying it in different ways. The middle one seems to keep the mood that I like. I love black and white photos, but also love to see photographs edited in other ways.