Category Archives: for you

Mothers day

Posted in adopted, adopted mum, adoption, be proud, challenges, child, daughter, daughters, Emotions, feelings, for you, inspiration, love, loved ones, making time, mother, mothering sunday, mothers day, mum, my life, my story, New day, not alone, physc unit., physciatric unit, story, strength, Uncategorized by

As Mothers Day draws nearer well tomorrow is Mothering Sunday, I look at photos of my daughters and think how proud of them I am. When I was pregnant with my eldest daughter I could not even begin to think of the amount of overwhelming love and the amount of emotions I would have when I first met her. I spent my whole pregnancy not realizing the effect of being in charge of a small person. Being in charge of another human being let alone a small baby.

Fast forward ten years and now I have three daughter 5,9 and 10 years old, and every day I can honestly say how proud I am to call myself their mum. I can look at them and say to myself “We created them, we are their mum and dad”. Because no matter how hard a time I am going through I no if I could move the world for them then I would. No matter how much they squabble or are horrid to each other or me, my undying love for them will never end.

And then I think to my own mother… I think about all the pain and suffering growing up I put her through and how she has never stopped loving me. I learnt so much rom my mother and I will never be able to thank her enough for the love and understanding and support she has given to myself and my big sister.

My mother is an amazing woman, loved by all our family, by all her friends. Without her I wouldn’t be the person I am today. It doesn’t matter that she is not my biological mother she my adopted mother. But as far as I am concerned she is and will always be my Mum, the person I can turn to for advice about anything. The person who is still looking after me aged 29, she has my back and is helping me through this difficult time I am going through right now. In fact both my parents are, their there for both myself and my husband and their grand-daughters.

So as tomorrow draws nearer I am thankful for being a mother and a daughter. I am super thankful for my mother and how amazing she is.

So to all the mothers out there in this massive world it doesn’t matter what type of mother you are or if there is more then one mother involved. Your all super precious and are doing a bloody good job.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO YOU ALL… XXX

End of another day…

Posted in abyss, ahh, alone, always here, always hope, always light, Anna, anorexia, battles, be proud, Bio parents, blackness, borederline personality disorder, bpd, bulimia, challenges, child, clutches, clutches of darkness, confusion, cut deep, dark abyss, dark world, darkness, daughter, daughters, death, death failure, deep scars, Detachment, Diagnosis, dont have to be skinny to be anorexia, drained, dying, eating disorder, eating disorders, ednos, Emotions, exhaustion, feelings, fighting, focus on yourself, for you, fortijuice, fortisips, Hate myself, hating, hell, help, help is there, help me, honesty, ideas, insanity, inside of me, inspiration, internal fight, let down, light at end of tunnel, loved ones, making time, mental health, mental scars, mind f****d, needing help, night, nightmares, no energy, not alone, operations, opinion, people, physc unit., physciatric unit, physcological mayhem, Physically tired, pondering, protein drinks, punishing yourself, punishment, rise above, sadness, screaming, seeing people, self loathing, shameful, stigma, story, stress, stressful day, stuck, stuck within me, suicidal, suicide, take me, talk to, tired, to be contd., Uncategorized, Valleys of darkness, voices, why, wonder by

As the end of another days draws to an end I’m here again sat pondering and wondering what lies ahead for me. my future might be uncertain right now but I still have the inklings of hope that I can get better. NO not can get better BUT will get better…

I no for a fact that the roads ahead are lined with pits and dips but also are filled with happiness and hope and light. This path that I am starting on soon (I hope anyways) is going to be tough and lots of hard work but I cannot stay in this vicious continuous cycle or treadmill of being ok and then trying to commit suicide. It is not fair to only myself but to my family and friends and this last attempt has given me the kick up the arse to actually do something about it. To do something to break the cycle of break downs.

The amount of damage I have done internally to my body (mainly my oesophagus) is terrible. I have the scars on hips and wrists and stomach, I have had to go for monthly oesophagus dilation operations to stretch my throat so I can actually maybe one day eat solid food. Since April 10th 2017 I haven’t been able to eat a single solid piece of food due to yet another attempt at taking my life. and since then I have survived on fortisips (protein drinks) to give me all my calories and keep me going. luckily now I can actually swallow smooth soup and custard, I can’t swallow anything with bits in it or eat biscuits. But maybe one day I hopefully will be able to dunk that ginger biscuit in a cup of coffee.

Here’s to wondering and pondering the next and very near (hopefully) future…

To be cont.d…

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To you…

Posted in always here, always hope, always light, battles, be proud, blackness, Emotions, Feeling lost, focus on yourself, for you, help is there, inspiration, internal fight, just me, letter, light at end of tunnel, love, mental health, screaming, trying to write, Uncategorized, wiriting, wiritings, writing, writings by

letter

To You…

I may not know you as I do not know who will actually read this.

What I want you to know is that you are an amazing person and were made to stay in this world as long as possible. Whatever difficulties you are going through please believe me when I say there is light out there in the darkness you may be feeling and experiencing.

I myself have be to the rock bottom many a time and probably will still but I am gradually being able to finally see a pinprick of light and start to crawl out of this dark dank place.

This world may seem dark and all you want to do is scream at the top of your lung and are filled with so many feelings and emotions. Let them out scream into a pillow, go for a run, have a good cry doing any of these does not make you weak.

You may want to feel the pain physically and try and get it out of your head even if it would be temporarily. To try and get rid of it all that has built up in you and you can no longer contain it. You don’t have to harm yourself, go and find a distraction anything to take your mind off it even if it will be temporary. At least it would be better than physically hurting yourself.

You may be feeling so alone yet you are constantly in the company of others. They talk to you but there is no real concern or connection in their voice or conversation. Please know that there is always going to be someone thinking about you.

If you are at rock bottom and are feeling like, there is no other way out and that no-one wants you around or that no-one would miss you. Please know from the bottom of my heart that there is someone, please find someone to talk to. Again I have been there many times and have tried to leave this world many times too and never succeeded. Find someone to talk to there will be someone that will listen.

I will listen, drop me a message on here or email me on: lmdodds89@hotmail.co.uk.

I can only listen but sometimes an outsiders view and help does help.

But please remember that you are a beautiful human being and are loved by people.

Take care and be safe and talk to people.

Lisa M Dodds

Medicated..

Posted in bipolar, for you, help, insanity, Medicated, Medication, mental health, voices by

Medicated for your safety

Medicated for my safety

Medicated to keep the highs away

Medicated to keep me level.

Medicated to help my depression go away,

But that’s where it’s Failing me. Depression. Kicking me in the gut. Always there, never ending forever here.

Medication to ease my anxiety, but it’s still here. Always on edge thinking something is going to happen.

Medicated to mute the voices, but their still here but I don’t say.or tell anyone because I.myself no I’m mad. Don’t need anyone else knowing.

So basically medicated for all of us.

You know that person that everyone says “oh stay away from her she mental” well that’s me but no one knows because my mask is on all the time. I’m that mad person that you would go running from